|Sunday, November 13th, 2005|
|32 PSI! 32 PSI! OH GOD YES 32 PSI!
Wife: I think my left front tire is a little low.
Me: I can check it. Do you have an air pressure gauge?
Wife: Pressure gauge? Ummmm no, I have a vagina.
Me: A pressure gauge will be more accurate.
|Saturday, October 8th, 2005|
|Vincent Price is Somewhere Laughing
My sister gave me a tiki idol from her trip to Hawaii ala Brady Bunch.
5 days later my dog got hit by a car.
Maybe I should postpone my surfing trip.
|Tuesday, August 30th, 2005|
|Long Time No Update
I used to be cool.
Now I'm the Mac guy where I work.
I'm sure there was some logical timeline that took me from point A to point B
but I'll be damned if I can remember what it was.
When I was younger I thought it would be sweet to have a time machine so that I could
bring my future self back in time to buy me and my friends beer (even though logically my drivers license would still say I was born in 1967 - so to any store clerk I would technically just be the world's oldest, baldest 16 year old)
The irony is I don't think I would buy my past self and his friends beer.
I just don't feel it's appropriate.
I'm probably going to be kind of pissed at myself at first but in the long run I think I'll thank me.
Right after I yell at myself to get off my lawn and take my lousy flux capacitor with me.
I've got Mac stuff to do.
|Friday, April 2nd, 2004|
|Monday, March 15th, 2004|
|Baby, Baby, Baby
I'm currently working on a DVD Retrospective of my old sketch comedy group.
I have to say, it's been ALOT of fun going through all of the old footage over the last couple of weeks.
The interesting thing is how many changes there have been over the last 4 years that I didn't realize until I started pouring through footage.
The first thing that was noticable was how much better the stuff I do now looks than the stuff we were doing when we started out (technology keeps plodding along). Part of me would love to go through and do a "Star Wars Special Edition" to the footage where I add 4000 digital effects to the sketches that I liked but didn't quite work.
At the time when we started the group I was single, which was hard because I've never really liked the whole dating scene much. Now I'm happily married to a wonderful woman who is very supportive of my video habit. My kid has grown from a squeaky voiced 11 year old to an angst ridden 15 year old, He was in several sketches and his voice was about 3 octaves higher.
I guess it's human nature to remember how much fun AF was when it clicked, and to forget about the late night edits, schedule and personality conflicts.
Elements from AF are meeting this weekend to record a narration track for the DVD and I'm hopeful that nostalgia and time will have covered some of the reasons we stopped.
|Thursday, March 11th, 2004|
|Does Anybody Remember...
Roy from the Mickey Mouse Club?
All of the other Mouseketeers were prepubescents with high squeaky voices.
Roy was in his late 50s, overweight and looked like a gruff version of Curly from The Three Stooges.
It turns out he actually worked for Disney as an animator before he was placed on the MMC.
I have this picture in my mind of Roy sitting around the animation studio griping about how his job couldn't get any worse.
Walt walks in and hands him mouse ears and a shirt with his name on it.
|Wednesday, December 24th, 2003|
|MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!
I feel as though the joy of Christmas magic has made my small heart grow 3 sizes today!
OK, OK! Actually when I say "Christmas magic" what I mean is "Rum and eggnog"... also, replace the word "heart" with the word "liver"
I hope everyone is with family and friends and gets everything they wanted.
|Tuesday, November 11th, 2003|
|Springtime For Hitler
This was part of an email I sent my sister Crashtestbunny
several months ago:Sea Denise
went out and bought The Producers with Gene Wilder and Zero Mostell on DVD Because she had never seen it before. When she came home and told me she had bought the Producers because she had never seen it I immediately started singing "Springtime for Hitler" her response "Yeah, I haven't seen it."
The wedding happened things were busy and she still hadn't seen it after almost 2 months but everytime she would mention she had the Producers but hadn't watched it yet, whoever she told would start singing "Springtime for Hitler" to the point where it was a running gag with us.
So finally, Denise, my Dad, and I watched the Producers. After it was finished my Dad turned to me and said Dad:
I don't remember that movie but that musical number was in something else. me:
I'm pretty sure "Springtime for Hitler" was JUST in the Producers. Dad:
No, it was in that other movie, the one with Val Klimler. me:
Val Kilmer? He did Top Secret which was in Germany but I don't think it was in that. Dad:
No, that wasn't it. What was that movie? me:
The Producers, I'm pretty sure it was the Producers. Dad:
No,... Top something me:
Top Secret. He was also in Top Gun, but I'm pretty sure they didn't have "Springtime for Hitler" in "Top Gun" Dad:
It was a Mel Brooks movie and it was in Germany. me:
"To be or not to be"? Mel Brooks was dressed up like Hitler in that and he did the gag where all he wanted was peace, a piece of Poland etc... Denise:
They used that joke in The Producers. me:
No they didn't Dad:
Maybe it was "To be or not to be" I saw Springtime for Hitler in. me:
"Springtime for Hitler" wasn't in "To be or not to be" Dad:
I think it was, because I've seen it before but I don't think I've seen the producers. me:
who wants pie?
|Monday, November 10th, 2003|
Apologies to Crashtestbunny
After reading their livejournals I couldn't help but think of every third show on the Discovery Channel.
If shitty art films over the years haven't scared those ghosts away I have a feeling nothing will."Which Way To The Doom Buggies?"
|Friday, October 24th, 2003|
|I Am So There
I'm still regretting not seeing KITH when they were here so I pretty much have to go see This.
|Thursday, October 23rd, 2003|
|No more wire coathangers!
We watched "Mommy Dearest" the other night, a movie I hadn't seen since I was like 14.
I should say right off the top that child abuse is wrong however, I totally understand where she was coming from with the wire coathangers. She worked hard, she just wanted some nice shit in the house.
On an unrelated note, If I were ever going to be a serial killer here's how I'd do it.
I'd stand at a crosswalk with a bird whistle waiting for blind people to cross the street.
It's been a long couple of weeks.
|Sunday, October 5th, 2003|
|The 80s Called... They Want Their Roller Rink Back
We took the kids rollerskating last night up at the Lynnwood Roll-a-way. I had not been there since I was in the 7th grade and was amazed to see that absolutely nothing had changed. At first I thought it was "80s Night" but then realized after a few moments that it was actually "Sad Dying Roller Rink Night".
Sea_Denise and I opted not to skate and instead work coat patrol for all the kids and keep our bones intact.
I used to take Kevin rollerskating down south right after my ex and I had broken up and discovered at that time that roller rinks are not the place to pick up girls unless your pick up line is "Who's your favorite Pokemon?" None the less there were alot of guys in their early 20s there last night skating backwards and acting creepy (I'm sure it didn't help that the rink was in Lynnwood) at one point they had skating for "everyone that was 16 and older" I think just so that the creepy roller rink guys could see who was 16.
I never understood how roller rinks could discriminate against who could skate just because they have a big light up sign by the DJ booth. What's the difference between "Ladies Only" and "Whites Only", not much if you ask me.
|Monday, September 29th, 2003|
|Couldn't have been Sigourney!
Everytime I hear the song Dreamweaver I think of Dennis Weaver who played McCloud. I wonder if Gary Wright was watching McCloud when he wrote the song. I'll bet he was.
I haven't updated in a while. Between catching some sort of super virus and the kids all going back to school and work, You know you've got more than you can handle when you have to update your dayplanner with "Take a dump" (a little visual fer y'all)
I'm looking forward to taking on a "fun" project in the next couple of weeks. I'm getting tired of working on other people's demos and focus groups.
|Thursday, August 14th, 2003|
|Not so fast with those hands
It seems to me that whenever somebody on stage at a concert tells the crowd to "put their hands in the air like they just don't care" they throw their arms up in a frenzied "Rock On!" fashion, which totally goes against everything they were just instructed to do. Maybe if the lead singer gave more explicit instructions? "OK everybody, very calmly and nonchalantly I want you all to put your hand in the air. Not too fast".
I actually DON'T CARE and put my hands in the air when I'm GODDAM GOOD AND READY!
On the way to dinner tonight we drove past a little 8 or 9 year old girl digging with a shovel
in the garden and she was dressed in a full length pink prom dress covered in little sequins.
For some reason that made me laugh.
|Sunday, August 10th, 2003|
|Party for the Ages
Sea Denise, Ken and I all went to my friend Ed's Saturday Night for his 40th Birthday.
When we arrived, JKP was sitting in the driveway with dark glasses and a cane next to a sign that said Valet Parking $35. I have to say that I haven't seen anyone play a blind person quite as convincingly since the movie Ice Castles. At one point somebody was walking by him and mentioned something about the "blind guy" at which JKP replied "I'm blind, not deaf!"
As we made our way around the front of Ed's house there were red velvet ropes next to the walkway and at the end of the walkway, a bouncer with a clipboard and a walkie talkie.
He couldn't find our names on the list at first but then undid the rope and let us in because we had presents. Ken unfortunately did not bring a present and was forced to endure several more minutes of list searching and walkie talkie-ing before the bouncer finally relented.
I worked with Ed for many years before he left VS for a better job.
Ed is a GREAT guy, easygoing, funny, smart, and most of his friends are the same way, so once inside alot of the people I already knew and they were people I really liked talking with.
There was a magician in the back yard, and a sign on the stairs pointing to a "Naked Midget" on the second floor. The house was packed full of Ed's friends and family, including his dad who had flown in from points unknown that day to surprise him.
After a delicious spread of Thai food and several rum and cokes, I thought I heard drums from a marching band off in the distance, I knew instantly that it had something to do with Ed's party. Everybody gathered on the front lawn as a drum band marched up the street stopped and played for a moment and then wound their way around to the back yard and played while everybody danced.
After it was all over Ed came up to me and asked "When are you turning 40?"
There's no friggin' way I can top this party with only 4 and a half years to plan.
I'm calling to book Aerosmith first thing Monday.
|Tuesday, August 5th, 2003|
|Random Mouse Sightings
We've had several mouse spottings around the house by the kids in the last couple of days, although I haven't seen any. The funny thing is, I haven't even seen any of the "traditional"
signs that we've got mice.
1. Gothic mouse arch in the wall
2. Tiny galoshes by the front door
3. Anvils being dropped on the cat
The kids also swear there was a possum in the basement, although there was nothing when I went to check it out.
I suppose I should at least check to see if any baby kangaroos have escaped recently from some sort of travelling circus before I just declare the children off their rockers.
|Thursday, July 24th, 2003|
|Synapses Firing Randomly
I'm always at a loss as to why all the useless crap sticks in my brain and all of the important stuff that could potentially one day help humanity goes in one ear and out the other.
Why is it I had such a hard time in school with algebra and science but I can still remember Florence Stanley played Fish's wife Bernice in the Barney Miller spinoff "Fish" and that she went on to play the Judge in "My Sister Sam with the late "Rebecca Schaeffer".
I hope to God my destiny wasn't to cure cancer or solve global warming, because when the temperature hits 190 degrees in mid February the only answer I'm going to have for them is "Ricky Schroeder was on Silver Spoons with Joel Higgins"
|Monday, July 21st, 2003|
|Le petit garçon mauvais qui Barfed dans la voiture de l'homme de Nice
(A play in one Act by JimmyJR) (The players include a father, a son, and the son's two friends) Father:
Come then young son! Let us pick up thy friends and
go forth yea merrily to Azteca. Son:
Yes father, Oh that I might sup heartily upon the Lil' pardner corn dog
meal. (They drive to the home of the son's friends) Father:
Come now my good children. That we may bask in the magic that
is...Azteca! Son's evil friend:
Ooooooh! Thine stomach doth feel the slings and arrows
from eating waaaaaay too much candy this morning. Father:
Perhaps t'would be best if thou stayed... waiting to sup upon spicy
mexican food some other 'morrow. SEF:
Noooooooooooooo! I wanna Goooooooooooooooo! Father:
Allright, but know this little one! Should thoust spew forth thy
candiful bounty upon thy brand new chariot, wrath shall come down upon
thoust from above. (4 minutes later) SEF:
Roll down thy window! Evil candy spirits be damned! I believe myself to
be spewing forth the souls of a thousand gummi bears. (The father rolls down the window. The evil little boy vomits down the
inside of the door) SEF:
Now I'm hungry! Let's go get some cake!
|Sunday, July 20th, 2003|
|The Grasshopper and the Welfare Ant
Once upon a time there was a grasshopper and an ant.
The grasshopper worked very hard and saved his money. The ant meanwhile didn't ever try to find a job, lived off a DSHS grant and began humping her mechanic.
Then the winter came and the ant whined "I've got kids and I shouldn't ever have to find a job!" so the government forced the grasshopper to give the ant a large portion of what he made. So the grasshopper hired a kid to burn the feelers off the freakin' ant with a magnifying glass.
It's my first foray into children's books so please be honest
|Wednesday, July 9th, 2003|
|What's a Guy Gotta Do?
I don't think I've ever seen an On-line poll where everybody was 100% in agreement.
From "Are you in favor of the War in Iraq?" to "Ginger or Maryann?" to "Do you own a toothbrush?" every poll I've ever seen has people "fer it" and people "agin' it"
There has to be some vestige of something left in the world that 100% of human beings can agree on.
I remember reading an article about a Russian scientist who thought it would be a good idea to blow up the moon.
CNN Poll - Should we blow up the moon?
No - 99%
Yes - 1%
Oh nevermind. I just remembered where I read about the Scientist wanting to blow up the Moon.
It was in the Weekly World News and it was titled
"Werewolves Protest Plan To Blow Up Moon!"Moon Story
Oh well... as long as we can all agree that I need to read the Seattle Times a little more.